you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
