Will you blow on my dice?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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