the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
