Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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