I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I want to fling myself into the sun
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
