I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
