So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
