Please, let me fuck your mom
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
