Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
