I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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