and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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