I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
