mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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