So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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