DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
