I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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