I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How external is "for external use only"?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
