My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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