i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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