You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
