So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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