side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
