I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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