Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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