we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
