He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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