This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
