Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize