ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
