oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
