his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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