GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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