sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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