what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
