hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize