Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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