when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize