sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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