You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
