Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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