Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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