you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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