I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
