I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
