ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Bring me that man meat
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
