One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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