Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
