Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
