Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
