I am in a vortex of obligation.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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