So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
