There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize