four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
