The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
