Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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