ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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