I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
