I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
