i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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