just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
