To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Im part way to drunk.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
