one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
