I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
