Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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